the never-redundant question

praise God who gave me the grace to complete whatever i needed to do, finally. it's been a turbulent week, having 2 tests to prepare for and having to cope with the dreaded fevers and phlegm. this one heck of a study week is nearly over. and i don't even want to think about what's coming next.


just some thoughts i had while recuperating this week.


have you ever asked God where He is, though it seems like a redundant question?

do you ever imagine a voice after that replying, "I'm right here"?

i've had those times, where i will just wait in the silence, hoping to hear a reply. sometimes i get the feeling i should've waited longer just to be sure that i can hear Him somehow.

i think you get what i mean: it's not like you don't know He's there. it's more like you just really want Him to have a real conversation with you at that point, after you haven't heard from Him in a very long time. and you know it's your fault you haven't been listening.

times like those are often the times after we start a hiatus in conversation with God- and then we face times that we feel most let-down by situations or people, or just simply life on its very miserable own. it hits me how i don't look up very often when that happens, until the time calls for it.

why do i even have to wait for that?

does it make sense to start looking up only after having wandered laterally as far as i had wished to?

maybe in my asking God to show me where He wants me to go, i actually do know what i really want to do with my life.

i just had to look up all along.

do you remember the first time you knew that there was something God wanted you to do, and you responded saying you'll do it?

do you remember how it felt, like having refreshing water poured down upon your soul?

i've felt that before. the sync in His heart and yours for what truly matters to just you and Him is unforgettable and something that'll bother you if you don't start doing it. and you just feel like you have so much confidence in Him, that you're so sure- no matter what problems came your way, He'll find a way to see it through.

i pray i will continue looking up all the way.

watching "the activist's journey" on channel 8 brought some perspective when i was thinking about direction. i realise- we don't face a lot of real challenges in our country. the real ones are out there because the basic needs aren't even met. and the irony is in the position of the one that's making the most noise and fighting over whose rights are important. i feel so guilty.

maybe we all just need to leave our zones of torment or comfort, whether it be school or work- and just find ourselves in God again. who cares about what month it is right now to be talking about such an escape. i find this necessary, honestly. because maybe this sick world is just too full of itself.

asking God where He is, isn't a redundant question. honestly, it brought things back to perspective for me when i most needed it. He's there all the time. and He wants me to look for Him constantly.

i'm officially sick of studying. sick literally, too. shall spill my thoughts and scribble on recent happenings...

thank God though that i always fall sick at the "right" time, now being the study break.

some of you may have heard about the meltdown of the community at my school because of an incident which unfortunately made its way to the papers. it's a pity that it happened, and i guess it was really a lack of sensitivity on our part as an organisation. we should have put ourselves in the shoes of others before we wrote those descriptions on the website. now, consequences may be just that we have lost credibility and trust as well as being able to meet on campus, but on another note, let me share a verse that stood out to me during the YAF vision that i went for last saturday:

"Saul was in hearty agreement with putting him to death. And on that day a great persecution began against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria, except the apostles." --Acts 8:1 

notice the coincidental swopping of the numbers on this verse. (normally we love to use Acts 1:8 to talk about missions.)

sounds like a great persecution in my school too, and this persecution may actually turn out to be a blessing. maybe, this is one of God's reasons for allowing such persecution- to prevent christian communities from ending up becoming a "holy huddle"- which is how some people like to call it. once we get too comfortable in our communities, no matter how we organise systems and activities to make people evangelise, they'll never do it because they're comfortable with the way things are and with the people the community already has.

pictorially speaking, now that we're all scattered, aren't we all in better positions to be seed sowers where we are? isn't this more strategic than just going out once in a while and converging back to the same geometric point with nothing that's invested for the long term?

this persecution or any other persecution, i believe, should bring us all back to reality.

the reality that we are still to be salt and light.
the reality that we love God and all His people.
the reality that showing God's love doesn't mean embracing sin or compromise.
the reality that christians aren't welcome in this world.
the reality that Christ is coming again.

i was just listening to a sermon on my GTY app, and one thing preacher MacArthur said really made sense. the world we live in is really back in the times of Corinth, the time of Paul. where just because everyone practically had a sinful past and a sinful lifestyle that manifested in various manners, sin became "acceptable"- which is very similar to this era, where it is becoming UNacceptable for anyone to be UNaccepting of differences.

it's indeed scary to see how the world is changing. we can only pray for God to shield our youth from the temptations that lie in and around them, lest they get caught in the world which promises a fake sort of love- the love that can never satisfy the souls which will only continue to crave for something or Someone that they need, but are not ready to acknowledge that need...

this is the medley put together by cynthia to encourage friends and missionaries doing the Lord's work. meant for WIP to sing together but we're taking a short hiatus for now. nonetheless, it was a blessed time recording this together that day!

may we all be fervent in serving Him wherever He places us! 
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Lyrics:
From the mountains to the valley,
From the rivers to the sea,
Every hand that reaches out,
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step till kingdom come
Every hope in every heart will
Speak what love has done

Until the whole world hears
Lord we are calling out
Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out
And as the day draws near
 Lord teach us how to testify to Your love

For as long as i shall live,
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences
Where words are not enough
With every breath i take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as i shall live
I will testify

Oh ready yourselves,
Ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night X2

Coz i'm alive I dont wanna die
I dont wanna waste another day or night
I know there's something more
Than what we're living for
I see it in the stars
I feel it on the shore
I know that so

Until the whole world hears
Lord we are calling out
Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we're crying out
And as the day draws near
 Lord teach us how to testify to Your love

i'm thankful to God that today 2 friends shared with me the same verse just when i needed it. His love never fails.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.-- 2 Cor 12:9

never by my strength, only by Your grace.

thank you, Lord.

going to do the book of Mark with my girls tomorrow. one of them requested, so thank God for online material that i can always extract lessons from, knowing how time consuming lesson preparations can be. praying that it'll be a meaningful less than 8 weeks of being some-kind-of-a-discipler to them, knowing i'm going to graduate very soon.

school's been pretty bleak, honestly. at the career fair i went to today, i couldn't find what i was looking for. more like i didn't know which place would be looking for a person like me. i don't regret not going for the previous career fair which had more prospective companies, partly cuz i had no choice having to go for all my lessons, and because i probably wouldn't have found anything either. simply because now, i really don't know what i want. 

i'm driving myself crazy with all my brain's uncertainties. but i'll let God show me in His time. besides, i just got reminded yesterday to keep knocking, keep searching, and i'll definitely find something. i'm assured that God never withholds the good things from His children. amen?

a few more things that have happened recently constantly cause me to want to go into escape mode. thank God for a friend in crusade who could identify. hers is probably worse though, with a new perspective she got recently, after certain experiences she had elsewhere to compare with where she is now back in reality.

maybe the conclusion of the whole matter of all these shenanigans is that we should never compare, nor to expect too much. maybe don't even expect the least of things- that's if you don't want to get hurt by wherever, whomever, or whatever you put your blood, sweat, tears and time to. but that's humanly impossible, unless our brains were a block of wood or filled with coconut water.

alright, i think i'll write again when i'm less "wearied by the footmen".... 

anyone with an iphone or ipad, please download star walk or sky view. TOTALLY AWESOME APPs!!!!!!!

in case you're wondering if i've gone mad, i was supposed to have a star gazing session yesterday but it turned out to be more of a promotion of iphone and ipad applications. i expected more than 2 telescopes to make it to the football field. but my professor had one that looked like an ipad, placed nicely on a tripod. so, i downloaded the app, signed attendance and went home happy.

just applied for a job at a special school as Assistant Teacher. will update on the outcome. i prayed about it and i'm quite sure this is where i'm going to head., if i get it.

OH i can't wait to graduate!!!!!

okay, back to my einstein world of quantum weirdness...

"the call of God"

[from utmost.org]

Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel . . . —1 Corinthians 1:17

Paul states here that the call of God is to preach the gospel. But remember what Paul means by “the gospel,” namely, the reality of redemption in our Lord Jesus Christ. We are inclined to make sanctification the goal of our preaching. Paul refers to personal experiences only by way of illustration, never as the end of the matter. We are not commissioned to preach salvation or sanctification— we are commissioned to lift up Jesus Christ (see John 12:32).

It is an injustice to say that Jesus Christ labored in redemption to make me a saint. Jesus Christ labored in redemption to redeem the whole world and to place it perfectly whole and restored before the throne of God. The fact that we can experience redemption illustrates the power of its reality, but that experience is a byproduct and not the goal of redemption. If God were human, how sick and tired He would be of the constant requests we make for our salvation and for our sanctification. We burden His energies from morning till night asking for things for ourselves or for something from which we want to be delivered! When we finally touch the underlying foundation of the reality of the gospel of God, we will never bother Him anymore with little personal complaints.


The one passion of Paul’s life was to proclaim the gospel of God. He welcomed heartbreak, disillusionment, and tribulation for only one reason— these things kept him unmovable in his devotion to the gospel of God.

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may i be committed to proclaim the gospel of God and not be overly dependent on my experience of redemption. thank God for the reminder that the world is much bigger than I.